Joel Libava
A franchise industry official recently told me that Dr. Oz, who’s running for office in Pennsylvania, is in talks with a veteran boutique franchise development firm to launch a chain of Crudité Charcuterie board take-out franchises.
Continue reading to find out why.
The National Crudité Controversy
In case you haven’t heard about the Dr. Oz Crudité idiocy, the Senatorial candidate, in an attempt to slam Democrats for high inflation, shot a video that went viral. For the wrong reasons. Here it is, courtesy of Wegner’s Groceries.
We repeatedly told @DrOz that we had pre-made veggie trays..excuse me “Crudité”…in the deli starting at $5.99. $7.99 with guacamole and salsa. Vote @JohnFetterman! pic.twitter.com/FO83LmYPIl
— Wegner’s Groceries (@grocerieswegner) August 15, 2022
But why was it a bust?
It was a bust because it portrayed Dr. Oz as a typical out of touch millionaire.
From GoErie.com
“Last week, searches for the word “crudités” on Dictionary.com spiked by more than 10,000% after Dr. Mehmet Oz mentioned the raw vegetable appetizer in an online video that — for him — went viral in the worst way possible.”
The response from Oz’s opponent:
“’In PA we call this … a veggie tray,’” Lt. Gov. John Fetterman, Oz’s Democratic opponent in the Senate race, tweeted dryly after the video started to blow up.”
But here’s the thing.
Oz, because at heart he’s a power-hungry, money-grubbing marketer, has decided to double down and create a Crudité “business.”
Crudité Charcuterie Franchises: The Potential Business Model
My source, who wishes to remain anonymous because of the current state of politics in our country, told me in no uncertain terms that Oz and an unnamed franchise development firm are sculpting out a business idea and a business plan for a 700 square foot take-out only Crudité restaurant.
Offerings are set to include pre-made Crudité trays of different sizes and varieties, with Dr. Oz created dips for the veggies. But I have a better idea.
Dr. Oz should team up with Graze Craze, which is a hot (ahem) new, 100% unproven Charcuterie franchise. And why is Graze Craze hot?
“The grazing style of eating provides you and your guests with a diverse meal plan in the form of a charcuterie style grazing box, platter or table that meets the individual needs and wants of everyone’s personal palette and diet.”
See?
It’s a perfect fit for Dr. Oz’s Crudité.
Heck, Oz wouldn’t even need to open new restaurants. Just team up with UFG, and serve your veggie trays and dips alongside charcuterie boards. Two long-lasting franchise concepts in one!
Dr. Oz Election Update!
It looks like Dr. Oz will have ample time to launch his new food franchise opportunity. Why?
Because he just lost to John Fetterman in the Pennsylvania Governor’s race.
Best of luck on your new Crudité franchise business, Doc!
Dr. Oz Needs Name Ideas For His Crudité Franchises
Even if Oz ends up taking my idea to partner with another franchise brand, he’ll still need a name for his Crudité franchise business. Have any ideas?
Update!
Dr. Oz is now accepting ideas for the name of his new Crudité franchise.
And if your name wins, you’ll become the proud owner of Dr. Oz’s new franchise…at no cost* to you.
Buying A Franchise?
You're Going To Need This!
*You’ll still be responsible for ongoing expenses once your store opens, plus you’ll need to pay royalties to Dr. Oz.
Hey, why wouldn’t you want one of his franchises?
After all, he’s proven time and time again to be a highly-talented ethical businessman.
And it’s not like he’s had to pay millions of dollars for touting miracle weight-loss pills on his television show that weren’t backed with scientific evidence of any type.
How To Enter Dr. Oz’s Franchise Naming Contest
If you do happen to have a great name for his soon-to-be announced Crudité Charcuterie franchise business opportunity, all you have to do is write it on a 3×5 card, and send it in a self-addressed, stamped envelope, to
Doctor Oz for Senate
Attention: Crudité franchise name ideas
PO Box 576
Huntingdon Valley, PA 19006
Note: the contest ends, October 4th, 2022.
(This is a parody. As far as I know, Dr. Oz, nor any franchise development firm, is considering putting together a franchise package for Crudité, weight-loss pills, or anything Dr. Oz has peddled, screwed up, or been sued for. Yet.)
(Veggie tray image courtesy of Wikimedia)
(Dr. Oz image courtesy of Wikimedia)
