Joel Libava
Florida’s yoga franchises, by way of its franchisees, are fleeing Florida in droves. Why?
Because Governor DeSantis has decided to go after yoga pants.
Those dangerous and woke tight-fitting pants that millions of women of all ages have been wearing for the past several years.
You read it right. DeSantis wants to ban yoga pants (of course he does). And believe it or not, he’s not the first politician to propose a ban on them.
“Yoga pants should be illegal in public anyway”
Montana Republican David Moore made that critically important statement to an Associated Press reporter.
And even though recent reports seem to indicate Moore was making a “wisecrack,” when he spoke to that reporter, he did bring up yoga pants when he proposed an expansion of Montana’s decency law. Read the article. He seems nice.
So what gives?
Why is Florida’s governor going after yoga pants?
Nobody knows.
Florida Yoga Franchises Are Exiting The State
Businesses in Florida are no stranger to the strange man running the state. One only needs to look at the Disney debacle.
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“DeSantis signs bill targeting Walt Disney World“
That headline, from Fox Orlando 35, sums up the governor’s feelings about Disney. Smart move to target the largest employer in the state.
And speaking of brilliant moves, going after franchise businesses feels like another genius strategy.
Green Yoga Studio
Donnie Green, the CEO of Green Yoga Studio, a 47-unit franchise chain with 15 locations in Florida, told me the following:
“Joel, this is nuts. Why would a governor target a piece of clothing worn by millions of people? What is this dude thinking?
And now because of his proposed ban on Yoga pants, every franchisee of mine in Florida is scrambling to get out of their leases and are trying to relocate to nearby states. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
Pantsgate
This new proposed legislation, deemed by many as ‘Pantsgate‘, has sparked an unprecedented reaction from the yoga community in Florida, leading to a probable mass exodus of yoga franchises from the state.
Perhaps no other fabric has ever caused such an uproar or instigated such significant franchise business decisions.
However, Governor DeSantis has done it; by attempting to banish yoga pants from Florida, he’s achieved something that no legislation has ever done before – turning comfortable stretchy pants into a symbol of rebellion and defiance.
Do you wear yoga pants?
Several Other Yoga Franchises Are Planning Their Exits
Yoga franchises such as ‘Downward Dogz,’ ‘Breeth Deeply,’ and ‘Yoga Studio 54‘, among others, have publicized their plans to withdraw their franchise operations from Florida. This decision seems to be fueled by both practical and principle-based concerns.
“Our business thrives on the comfort and freedom of our patrons,” explains Linda Zenly, CEO of Breeth Deeply. “After all, yoga is about expression and liberation, and this ban goes against those principles. For this reason, we’ve decided to relocate our Florida-based yoga franchises.”
Florida Stands To Lose Millions
The fallout of this ban is becoming increasingly evident.
From a business standpoint, Florida stands to lose a significant portion of an industry that contributes millions of dollars to its economy every year.
Besides, this decision is also creating hundreds of disgruntled yoga franchisees, many of whom invested hundreds of thousands of dollars to be their own bosses. What’s next?
We’ll just have to wait and see if the Republican dominated statehouse passes this bill. And what the punishment will be for wearing yoga pants in the beautiful state of Florida.
Note: This article is a parody. It’s completely made-up.
But who knows? Florida’s woke governor may actually go after yoga pants. Maybe even bikinis.
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